When you meet that person and then they become your person, it is such a wonderful experience. The honeymoon period is filled with moments of excitement, romance, and bliss. The newness of everything can be quite intoxicating and all-encompassing. As your relationship develops, you continue to share more, trust more and your connection deepens. Before you know it, you and your person are like two peas in a blissful pod. There is nothing wrong with this and quite natural and necessary for relationships to blossom into sustainable, healthy relationships.

However, at some point, you need to snap out of it and focus on what’s happening around you. There are other people and things that you need to pay attention to in life. While it is wonderful to be coupled up, it is also just as important to be your own person. That’s where the phrase, independent together, comes into play. Putting the word independent with together is an oxymoron but it is meaningful.

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in one another, they isolate themselves and let other important relationships or activities fall by the wayside. It is just as important to retain your own individuality while being in a relationship.

Here are some tips to foster your relationship while retaining some independence:

1.     Date nights. When you become exclusive and/or get married, remember that it is important to keep dating each other. This helps keep the romance alive. Surprise one another with small, random gifts like you did when you were first getting to know one another. Play fun, flirty games. Try this as an example, over dinner open up a random question generator on the internet and ask each other questions that pop up. You may even learn something new about your person!

2.     Hobbies. Continue to do things together that brought you together to maintain your connection. Don’t stop these activities after the newness wears off. It is equally as important to continue doing things you did before you became a couple. If you went cross country biking with friends, and your mate isn’t interested, go out on excursions with your friends. Time away from one another does make the heart grow fonder and you’ll have fun stories to share when you return.

3.     Alone time. This is a big one for many couples. Alone time can take place while you are sitting in the same room. If you love romance novels, pick up a book while your partner is working on the NY Times crossword puzzle. Alone time is important to rest, relax, and destress. Everyone needs time alone. Even when you were single, you may have had times when you didn’t want to go out with friends. Alone time can even be scheduled like date nights. Perhaps your favorite time to be alone is on Saturday mornings. Just knowing that you have that time apart can make your alone time very meaningful and filled with activities that you love to do. Even if it is just sitting and quietly meditating.

While the brain is dealing with this pain, it sends signals to our body. In turn, our body reacts to the signals the brain is sending it. Again, internalizing our troubles has detrimental effects on our body in the form of illness. Anxiety and stress can cause us to have breathing issues, teeth grinding, headaches, compromised immune system, heart problems and much more.

Pain from negative events in our lives also cause our soul to suffer, it affects us on an emotional level. We can become withdrawn, feeling like we are stuck with no solution in sight. Sometimes we’ll put up a front with a fake smile on our face telling everyone that we’re fine when we’re really struggling. Pretending to be busy is also a cover that doesn’t allow any healing to take place.