Divorce, dysfunctional family issues, getting fired or laid off, the passing of a loved one, being diagnosed with cancer – these are huge problems that cause tremendous pain in our lives. Even smaller issues in our life, such as disagreements with a spouse or friend, children having issues in school, not getting a raise, minor health problems cause pain and stress need to be dealt with. 

No one dances through life like they are on cloud nine. In everyone’s life, a little rain must fall, isn’t that how the saying goes? What’s important is to recognize the pain and acknowledge it when we feel it. When a situation occurs that causes pain, your next steps in how you deal with it, can make all the difference in the world. A healthy first start is to get your feelings off your chest, out of your head and down on paper. Some people love the tactile feel of pen and paper, while others are soothed by the clickity-click of the keyboard under their fingers. Whichever method you choose, it’s the recording of your feelings that matters most.

When we bottle up our pain, it takes a toll on our overall health.

Internalizing pain is never good. Avoidance always leads to more problems. When we bottle-up our pain and push it deep down inside our psyche, it takes a toll on our overall health – mind, body, and soul. Oftentimes we find ourselves unable to focus and concentrate, like we’re disconnected. We end up slogging through our daily activities. Showing up and being present are two different things. Walking around with burdens makes us feel like the we have the weight of the world resting on our shoulders. Ouch!

Avoidance and internalization of the pain causes a chain reaction in all areas of our lives. What starts off as feeling down can transform into a deeper level of sadness and possibly morph into depression. On the flip side, our pain can lead to anger. Anger could be unleashed unfairly on our loved ones, children, friends and even strangers. Every day, the news is filled with stories of people behaving badly on planes, at work, in stores, etc. The root to a lot of this bad behavior comes from unresolved pain.

Pain from negative events affects us on an emotional level

While the brain is dealing with this pain, it sends signals to our body. In turn, our body reacts to the signals the brain is sending it. Again, internalizing our troubles has detrimental effects on our body in the form of illness. Anxiety and stress can cause us to have breathing issues, teeth grinding, headaches, compromised immune system, heart problems and much more.

Pain from negative events in our lives also cause our soul to suffer, it affects us on an emotional level. We can become withdrawn, feeling like we are stuck with no solution in sight. Sometimes we’ll put up a front with a fake smile on our face telling everyone that we’re fine when we’re really struggling. Pretending to be busy is also a cover that doesn’t allow any healing to take place.

Before sharing with others how we are feeling, try putting your thoughts down on paper first.

These feelings need to be channeled constructively so that we don’t continue to go down the wrong path. Ideally, it’s best to face the pain and these problems head-on as they occur. It sounds great in theory, but it’s not always put into practice.

Before we start sharing with others how we are feeling, try putting your thoughts down on paper first. It will help to clear your head and it can be very cathartic. It’s like having a solid heart-to-heart talk with yourself, except that you’re not just sitting and thinking about things or talking to yourself. You are writing down your feelings so you can go back and reflect.

As you collect your thoughts and write them down, you can separate yourself from the pain.

Writing clears your mind and will help prepare you to share your feelings with other. It will also enable you to make better decisions. As you continue to put your thoughts down on paper, it will bring clarity to your emotions and your stress levels will go down.

Take a moment to stop and think about when your issue began. Go through your emotions and try to remember as best you can what took place. Who was involved, where were you, relive the details and then start writing. At first, you may feel like it is happening all over again and that you’re reliving the trauma. However, as you collect your thoughts and begin writing them down, you can separate yourself from the pain. It’s like you are looking at the problem from a different perspective – from the outside looking in. A sense of calm or relief may settle in as you come up with solutions to problems. Answers may present themselves where they didn’t when you were just ruminating in your thoughts.

Free form writing can unblock your thoughts.

Are you staring at a blank paper or screen with a blinking cursor asking, “What next?” Here’s some advice to get you going. First, just try writing every word that comes to mind. Free form writing can unblock your thoughts. You can always go back and edit what you wrote so that it makes sense.

Another idea is to write a letter to yourself or to the person or people that were part of the pain that you’re experiencing. Tell them honestly how you feel, get really raw if you must. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to show them the letter. It just really helps.

Keep a journal to record how you're feeling

Let your thoughts settle and then review what you’ve written after a day or two. It may encourage you to add more to what you’ve written or to make changes.

Keeping a daily journal is also a great idea. It doesn’t mean you need to spend hours at a time and commit to writing a certain number of pages every day. Sometimes just a few sentences are all you need to record how you’re feeling.

Our subconscious mind goes to work after we’ve written down our problems. It’s trying to deal with the issues and find ways to come to terms with the experience. Allow your subconscious to help you sort things out. This may even enable you to approach those with whom you’ve been having problems. It’s a great way to work through the hurt and then calmly speak with someone who’s hurt you in a constructive manner. Obstacles can be overcome, and relationships repaired and made whole again. Even if you choose not to or cannot speak with the person who’s caused you pain, writing down what happened and how it made you feel can go a long way to putting you on the path to feeling whole again. Go ahead, give it a try.